How do you speak about yourself as a mother?

by Chrysula on December 9, 2011 in asking,empowering women and girls,mothering

I got some amazing advice a few years back. Watch your language! And I’m not talking about having a potty mouth! Watch how you refer to yourself.

We so flippantly “write-off” this part of who we are. Whether it’s “oh, there’s my ‘mom brain’ again!” or “I’m ‘just’ a mother” or “I’m such a bad mom” or any number of disparaging remarks about ourselves. When we don’t value our mothering, it’s hard to ask our kids, our spouses, our communities and our societies to do it for us.

What about you? How do you refer to the mothering piece of yourself? And if you were advising a new mom, what would you tell her?

While you’re thinking about this, imagine that mom is in the Horn of Africa right now… she needs that sense of worth and value just as much as we do! I believe we can do that for each other. All over the world. Share the Million Moms Challenge on Facebook!

Mama Mary

This really makes me think. I say a lot of disparaging remarks about myself, sometimes without even realizing it, and even though I’m trying to make a joke half the time, (self-deprecation is part of my warped sense of humor), I think you are absolutely right that it sends the wrong message to my kids and to everyone around me. Thanks for making me see this in a new light.

Chrysula

author of When You Wake Up A Mother

Chrysula

Mary, I think it’s such a fine line, yes? I’m not saying never poke fun at ourselves, but it’s the way we do it. We are sending these hugely important messages either way.
Lisa

I’m really aware of the power of words so I’m pretty careful. I’d tell a new mom ( which I am btw LOL) , relax, you’ll make mistakes doesn’t make you a bad mother. God made babies bouncy he knew they’d fall as toddlers. And sometimes even when you are right next to them you can’t catch them quick enough I’ve learned that with my active daughter.

And don’t compare yourself to any other mother. You are you and your children need the best you not a watered down someone else.

Chrysula

author of When You Wake Up A Mother

Chrysula

Lisa, I totally agree. We are the right mothers for our children and the greatest danger is to think otherwise. It’s only then when we can stop, breathe, regroup and be the mother we need to be in those moments.

Tiany

author of Social Savvy Mom

Tiany

Such a great observation and point to make. I personally think motherhood is the most important job those of us with children have.  I usually share that it is not easy, it will take sacrifice and we will question ourselves constantly but we do the best we can for our children. There is nothing wrong with seeking out support or help when needed. We are not perfect therefore we will not make the right decisions every time or parent perfectly.

Kristina

I’ve come here to comment so many times but found it difficult to write the words that come to mind. Not because it is so negative, but because I spent the last year being adamant that I was not “just a mom” as if it was such a horrible thing to be…

In the end, you are right Chrysula- we all have to reevaluate the message that we was send to our children- our daughters because the term mom is made up of so many facets that there in really no such thing as “just a mom.” Moms are friends, providers, trailblazers, givers, nurturers, protectors, advocates, HUMAN… the list is never ending.

My advice is to never undervalue your role or your influence. No matter where you are or what the world is trying to do to you!

Marinka

author of Motherhood in NYC —

Marinka

What a great reminder about the power of words.

Katherine Stone

I love what Kristina says about “just a mom”. You hear so many stay-at-home mothers say that when speaking to mothers who work outside of the home. I felt that way for a while. But it’s silly. Everyone has equal value. What one person does is as important as another. I’m happy to do what I do and I’ve learned to value it more.

Chrysula

author of When You Wake Up A Mother

Chrysula

Every mother works. Every mother is a mother full-time. The rest of the labels are just that.

Kristina's profile picture
Kristina said …
… the term mom is made up of so many facets that there in really no such thing as “just a mom.” Moms are friends, providers, trailblazers, givers, nurturers, protectors, advocates, HUMAN… the list is never ending.
Cranio Art

Cranio Art

I describe myself as a mom who is learning as she goes. I can’t be afraid to make little mistakes because noone is perfect in life but I must be sure to learn from my mistakes as well as try to teach my children to learn from mistakes made.

My advice to new mom’s would be to follow your gut instinct. Too many times a mother’s instinct is laughed at or ignored. Mom’s can be thought to be fretting and bothersome when they bring up concerns that seem silly to others. Even professionals will try to squelch a mother’s instinct, but if you feel it in your gut and you truely know something isn’t right then keep pushing don’t be afraid to find answers because a mother’s instinct isn’t anything you should allow to be ignored.

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