Please Bless All the People

by Chrysula on April 22, 2013 in mothering,parenting

Every night since Sandy Hook, my 6 year old son has uttered essentially the same prayer. “Please bless all the people and all the earth that no bad things will happen and that everyone will be OK.” Clearly this last week (and many of the weeks prior) this prayer has not felt answered. He doesn’t know what the world has dealt with in recent days. But his older sisters do. And like every other family, it has weighed heavily on us.

The Boston Marathon finish line bombed and an entire city stopped in its tracks. A tiny town called West in Texas, blown apart. A cafe in Kabul with 27 coffee drinkers killed and more than a hundred others injured. An earthquake in China killing almost 200 and injuring more than 10,000 people. The natural and the unnatural tragedies swirl into each other and mix with our own reactions of fear and confusion and helplessness. Where does it stop? And how do we make sense of it all? Perhaps the short version is that we don’t. We can’t. But we do have options.

Faith

My inspirational friend, Casey Mullins, has chosen her own way to fight back. A writer and photographer, Casey has started a campaign she’s entitled #LookForTheLovely — to record and share the glimpses of every day beauty and bliss that surround us. These moments are everywhere and they are there all the time. We  simply must look for them. It’s in the searching that we begin to turn sadness to moments of joy.

Creating MemoriesI took my kids to Washington DC for Spring Break. It wasn’t a vacation week for me, but as I worked whilst they went to various museums and parks, we met for lunches and afternoon ice cream breaks. We saw some family and friends. I took them to one of my favorite clients’ offices and my colleagues fussed over them while I had a couple of impromptu meetings in the lobby! They got to explore Philadelphia while I attended a conference. On Sunday we spent the day at church and snuggling on the couch. Regrouping with touch and rest and conversation. Renewing with prayer and faith and knowing that whilst God does not orchestrate all the details of each individual’s choices, He is as much a part of our lives as we’ll allow. There were many, many, many moments to #LookForTheLovely.

Looking out into the world, both in my own community and across the planet, gives me the strength and courage to make sense of the madness. How? Because I see all the incredible progress being made on the world’s big problems. I see how alike mothers and fathers and people are around the world. I see this and this and this. And despite the horrors and evils that are very real, I also see goodness and inspiration. I can’t keep all the people in all the world safe. I can’t even keep my family safe. But I will hope. I will go forward with faith. And I will in my own way, look for the lovely.

Chrysula Signature

 

 

 

 

xo

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IMG_2455In the 48 hours from our pre-wedding dinner with our families to arrival at the honeymoon destination, a series of unfortunate events that in my twenties I would have considered unmitigated disasters, were in my thirties great fodder for future family story-telling.

As we went through the list with our kids over a wedding anniversary brunch this morning, the stories have only ‘improved’ with time.

We regaled them with the one about their Dad getting back to the hotel suite he was sharing with his parents and younger sister, after he and I had stolen some time together post the pre-wedding family dinner. Entering the room for his last night as a single man, he was expecting some sort of ‘moment’ — only to find a chorus of not one, not two, but all three of them snoring in bad harmony. Then we told them how I also arrived at my brother’s house, where I’d moved all my possessions earlier in the day, to find a still and quiet house. And every bed, couch and possible soft sleeping surface taken by extended family gathered from all over the country. After a silent tantrum and “don’t they know I’m the bride?!” moment, I found a quilt and pillow and curled up in the back room on the floor. At least it was carpeted!

IMG_2456The morning of the wedding my mother and I awoke early to meet my hairdresser and make-up artist. Terrible traffic hindered our return and by the time I came out of my room dressed in my ‘going away’ suit, tiny tiara and impossible heels, we realized the only car left at the house was “Dixie’. Dixie was my beaten up wreck of a Toyota covered in rust, with a leaky floor and bench seat in front. She was also a stick shift (manual transmission) and it had been thirty years since my mother had driven a manual car. So I took off my shoes, slung my wedding dress in the back, and drove us both to the Sydney Latter-day Saint temple where we found the rest of our family (and all the nice cars).

The wedding car was a sexy BMW. We swept from the ceremony to the reception on the cliffs of Sydney Harbour, with the sunroof open and the music blasting. School girls gaped as I sped by, waving in my wedding dress. The afternoon and evening were magical, emotional, beautiful. During the speeches, I cried as I acknowledged my impending move to America, leaving almost everyone in the room behind. We were marking endings and beginnings. It was the most wonderful wedding and I loved every moment.

Beloved and I eventually said our goodbyes and sped off. The next morning, alas, the sexy BMW had to be returned and Dixie fetched from where she’d been parked ready for us the night before. With a flat tire. Turns out my brother had taken out the spare. We spent our first morning as a married couple cooling our heels in a gas station on a highway waiting for him to bring us the replacement wheel. As the saying goes, from the sublime to the ridiculous. Just like most people’s lives.

Our kids loved hearing our tales this morning. Some they’ve heard before, some were new. But in the telling, I could see how family identity was being shaped before my eyes. We are our stories. Our stories not only reflect our culture, they shape it. A recent New York Times piece encapsulated this, highlighting current research into what makes strong, resilient families.

The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative…The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges…children who have the most self-confidence have…a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.

The wedding wasn’t perfect. It had crazy, funny and frustrating moments. But the magic was because of those moments, not in spite of them. It’s a metaphor for a marriage that generally works, because of the hard things we face and the ups and downs we experience. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. Narratives don’t have to end happily ever after to be worth telling, nor living. On this day as we celebrate thirteen years since we made eternal promises to each other, and we navigate crazy children and exhaustion and reality, I celebrate my Beloved. I give thanks for our stories. And I pray for decades more of them.

Yes, that is a real sky! Yes, that is a real sky!

What are the stories you tell that create your family’s culture and narrative? I’d love to hear them.

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Credit: SimplyRecipes.com Oven Baked Sweet Potato Fries Credit: SimplyRecipes.com

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Other Fabulous Sweet Potato Highlights Today

Sweet Potato & Black Bean Burritos from This Week for Dinner
Truffle Sweet Potato Frites from Savory Sweet Life
Sweet Potato & Chicken Sausage Stew from Chefdruck
Honey Sweet Potato Biscuits from Food for My Family
Sweet Potato Burgers from Cutie Booty Cakes
What’s Gaby Cooking and Sweet Potato Day
The Mission List and Sweet Potato Day
World Moms Blog and Sweet Potato Day
Go Graham Go and Sweet Potato Day
Cranberry Sweet Potato Crumb Cake from Barbara Bakes
Bourbon and Marshmallow Sweet Potatoes from Boston Mamas
Documama and Sweet Potato Day
Sweet Potato Bread Pudding from Eat the Love
Lamb Shanks with Sweet Potatoes and Sausage from Kitchen Gadget Girl
Sweet Potato Love To Help End World Hunger from Love That Max
Celebrating Sweet Potato Day with Mom Trends
Sweet Potato Chili from Righteous Bacon
Cooking Sweet Potatoes for Picky Eaters from Rookie Moms
Sweet Potatoes and Global Health from Third Eye Mom
Indian Spiced Sweet Potato Kielbasa ONE Skillet Bake from Tickled Red
Sweet, Dude, Sweet Potato Breakfast Hash from Helen Jane
Oh My Sweet Potato Apple Bake from Bowl Licker
Sweet Potato and Peanut Gratin from Non-Reactive Pan
Sweet Potato Fries from When You Wake Up a Mother (also found on Million Moms Challenge)

This is cross-posted from The Million Moms Challenge, an initiative of the United Nations Foundation and ABC News along with more than 30 partners to share global health issues for mothers and babies. I am the Community Manager–all opinions expressed here are my own.

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I Give Because I’m Selfish

by Chrysula on December 30, 2012 in empowering women and girls

GIVEIt’s year end donation time. Honestly, it makes me a bit sad how charitable organizations plead for final year end funds, reminding us to get our last tax deductible gifts in before the financial year ends. About one third of all giving happens in December and over one-fifth happens in the last two days of December.

The merits of regular monthly donations versus lump sum giving are a debate I’ll leave for the philanthropy experts. I’ll just say this–if you’ve got a few minutes and a little bit of money to share, please squeeze in a little more giving in these next couple of days before year end.

I give to charity not because I’m noble, or even good. I give because I’m selfish. I give because it’s a tenant of my faith. I give because it’s a duty and an obligation. And honestly, I give because I feel so much better when I do. There’s this incredible knock on effect. I cannot explain it other than through the language of religious belief. When I give, the blessings come back to me magnified far beyond my own efforts.

As one of my brothers said to me once, “I give because quite frankly, I can’t afford not to.”

Who are your favorite organizations to give to?

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Yes Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus

by Chrysula on December 21, 2012 in parenting,story-telling

We went to see the kindest, most gentle Santa I’ve ever met yesterday. He looked entirely the part. Every detail of his suit as it should be. A real bushy white beard and bright ruddy complexion. But he also felt the part. His spirit emanated love and all that Father Christmas in his purest form represents. My children were entranced.

As our turn came, they approached. He asked how old they were, what grade–the expected script for such encounters. Then he gently inquired as to what each might like for Christmas. Their answers absolutely delighted me–from a car, to a ukelele, to a Santa playing a piano! The last answer was thoughtful and gut-wrenching. “More time with my Mum and Dad.” Oh my heart.

Santa told the children he’d do his very best to give what they’d asked, but he also asked if they’d commit to being happy with whatever he decided was best. Each child shook his hand and promised. Then he invited my girl onto his lap. In a low voice, he counseled (both her and me).

“I know you love your parents very much. I know they are so busy and I also know how much you want to be with them more. I wonder if every now and then, you could go and give them a hug when they are not expecting it. A “just because” hug. Do you think you could do that?” She smiled and nodded, her eyes all shiny and wide. I wiped a tear.

You know, I didn’t feel guilty. Her Dad and I are doing the best we can right now to manage family and work and church and community. I simply felt immense happiness that she wants more of us. It might not last. Nor her belief in the magic of Santa.  As we snuggled on the couch later, she whispered, “you know, he was a really special Santa. I don’t think he was a helper Santa, Mama.” She got closer and quieter. “I think he was the real one!”

So do I my darling. So do I.

 

Updated: We found our Santa at the Darien Sport Shop.

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Food As A Sign of Love

by Chrysula on December 19, 2012 in parenting

I grew up with one of those families. The kind with parents who are only satisfied if you’ve eaten everything on your plate and then some. The kind who shows their love by making sure you’re completely stuffed by the time you leave the table. Food as a sign of hospitality and love is a time honored tradition in many cultures, my own included.

Around the holidays and Christmas it gets even more out of control. It just isn’t December for me unless I’m eating my mother’s shortbread, which is actually my grandmother’s. The recipe is written in her beautiful penmanship, probably in the 1940s. The shortbread quite literally melts in your mouth. It brings me a sense of “all is right with the world”. But it’s got more butter in one piece than anyone should eat in a week. And I just found out that I have a cholesterol problem–like quite a major one–that’s crept out of nowhere in the last 12 months.

I am on a mission to review and reassess many of my favorite things in the world so I can eat more healthily, and that includes during Christmas. My kids need a healthy mother. Beloved needs a healthier wife. I’m not a lot of good to my family and friends if I’m not taking care of my nutritional needs. Now there is not one miracle on this earth that can make my mother’s shortbread less deadly. If I am wise and eat it in tiny, careful amounts, I can still have some. But in order to do that, I’ve got to make changes elsewhere.

The American Cancer Society challenged me to find a favorite recipe and see if I could make it a little healthier. I decided to share my number one winter comfort food. We often have it as a starter on Christmas Day, and of course, with some chunky wholegrain bread and a salad it’s a perfect meal on it’s own. I’m afraid the quantities are a bit of a guess, as I have been making it for many years and never had a written recipe.

 

Sweet Basil and Butternut Squash Soup 

  • One medium white or yellow onion, finely chopped.
  • 3-4 cloves of fresh garlic, crushed.
  • Sautee onion and garlic in a non-stick skillet in a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil.*
  • One large butternut squash, peeled and cut into chunks in a large saucepan.
  • Add cooked garlic and onions, then fill the pan with water until the squash is barely covered.
  • Bring to boil, then simmer.
  • Add 1 cup of chopped fresh sweet basil. In a pinch you can used dried basil, but the flavor and texture are definitely altered.
  • Add 1-2 vegetable stock cubes, mix and simmer on a lowish heat for about 25 mins.
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.
  • Bring soup off the heat.
  • Using a wand blender, I usually just smoosh (yes, that’s a technical term!) the soup directly in the pot.
  • Add 1/2 cup of milk. I use 1%.** Sprinkle with a sprig of fresh basil and serve hot.
  • This soup keeps well in the fridge and the flavors improve over a day or two.

* Healthy change #1 – I used to do this in butter in a saucepan. Makes zero difference to the flavors!
** Healthy change #2 –I’ve always used heavy cream for this step. Honestly, there’s so little difference to the texture, I don’t know why I haven’t done it before!

You can upload your own healthier holiday recipe here or get lots of ideas from others. What do you love to cook and share during the holidays? Can you switch out a couple of things to make it a smidge healthier?

Gathering around a table with loved ones feels more important than ever this year, as we cling to who and what matters most in our lives.

Blessings  and love to you,

 

 

 

 

 

xo

 

This post was written at the invitation of the American Cancer Society. I received no compensation and this recipe, as well as all views expressed, are my own.
Photo credit: Chrysula Winegar

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